Telling Me what I Can and Can Not Do will Only Make You Look Like an Idiot Later On

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I've been staring at the wall for the past five minutes wonder just how much force I would need to use in order to punch my head through....F=ma

This week has been from Hell, I mean, you might as well send me down and chill with Hades for a while. I was asked by one of the Nero's if I've thought about just ending school all together. I asked him how he'd feel if he just stopped taking showers all together. I mean REALLY? How the hell am I supposed to keep my head up and have hope when my docs are telling me I should just chill at home reading novels about Fabio getting it on with some desperate hooker? And what person in their right mind actually thinks thats a good idea? I thought they meant just for now, but nope he clarified that I can find a good job suitable for my "disability" and that way I can practice on getting better and not "over doing it."

OH the Stupidity.

I'm really sick of the stupid. Maybe that's what I can do, I can figure out a way to end all the stupid. After my doc told me to stop trying so hard to continue my education I went out and bought several books on mathematics and the Quantum Field Theory.

I mean really? Really? Like educating myself is really going to stump my recovery.

No wonder most of the blogs about Dysautonomia and P.O.T.s are filled with horrible hope and a depressing longing for happiness. Doctors are dicks. And apparently it's common for them to strip patients of all hope.

This week as i've said has been hell, I've refrained from posting anything because I kept hoping something good will come of it. That hasn't happened, but I refuse to let this be it with my life. And the rest of the week will NOT be Hell. I've been thinking of everything the docs have said the last week (i've seen three) and I've decided I'm going to do this. I don't know how, but I'm going to do what I want to do and i'm going to excel so well that when someone else is diagnosed with a chronic illness that makes it almost impossible to stand up in the mornings they will know they still have a life worth living.

Pitty really, I feel bad that so many actually feel that a life in bed is all they can live because that's what their doctors make it sound like that's all they can do.

New rule, Doctors aren't allowed to say "we may not be able to do anything else for you." These words are detrimental to a person in my position. We don't need you to find a cure. We don't even need you to find away to make the pain or the events go away. We just need to know that our doctors are trying as hard as they can to find a way for our quality of life to improve. There is ALWAYS something else you can do. ALWAYS.

Just you wait, I WILL fly.