I can control my own happiness. I may not be able to control
my illness, but I can control how I let the pain that travels through my body
controls me.
On days I feel hopeless, I’m not afraid to cry out in
prayer; and when I calm down and refuse to let my body be in control I feel at
peace. Something I know that comes from God.
Just remember don’t be the man in the story who falls off
his boat and is being carried down the violent river. He yells out to God to help
save him. Right after he cries out a log comes flowing past him and he is able
to get up on it to safety and he says. “Oh never mind God, I found a log to
save me.”
You may think God gave you your trials because he’s
punishing you or testing you. I honestly think God had nothing to do with giving me my illness, genetics and sience did. However God hasn't cured my illness to save
me from myself. I needed to learn patience; I needed to learn to lean on Him
and my family and friends. I was too independent before. I was going to save
the world on my own and didn’t need anyone’s help.
How foolish.
I was missing so much. This illness has taught me so much, strengthened
so many relationships, and showed me who my real friends are. It’s taught me
what is really important and not to stress over stupid little things.
Believe it or not, I dare say my life is better for it.
I wasn’t given this illness because I needed to be punished,
but rather to be saved from myself. I needed to realize what was really important,
and what the real purpose of life is.
Not to mention, overcoming pain is much more rewarding then
being patted on the back for a great presentation at work, an A in the hardest
class at school, or even a raise.
Look how tough I really am world.
I’m a freakin' animal!
<3
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