The Sense of the Unstressed

The fantastic fortitude of a positive attitude still astounds me. I absolutely love it. The mind is so intensely powerful that it’s no surprise that we know really nothing of it and never will. Many believe that those with a sudden onset of a chronic illness had a trigger aka, trauma in their life which exasperated what was silently waiting to take over.

I completely agree. I’m certain I was born with this illness; the first signs were shown when I was in fourth grade, continued very silently through my adolescence and only really showed through exercise or long days sitting in the classroom. The first hit that took place that let those close to me know something was wrong was when I was twelve after several stressors. It was slight but very present. It didn’t start getting annoying and disruptive until I was a jr in high school, and didn’t show it’s dragon like face until after I graduated and I had two sudden traumas that occurred one after another. Not only my mind and mental state was in shock, my body went through a shock and caused the genetic disease waiting inside me to crawl out and burn throughout my body. Studies back me up on this state of thought, thousands of patients will attest that they too had a trauma that brought it out.

So if a sudden trauma could cause a fault in your system causing a chronic illness to peek it only makes sense that meditation, stress reduction and positive attitude will help. maybe not cure, but calm the disease. All the more reasons to do what you love, cut out the people and subjects that are toxic from your life, and live hard while parting like a rockstar.

The Hard Workin Man

Right now i'm visiting my brother, him and my dad are getting ready to lay some gravel in the front yard. My brother has been complaining about his back because he messed it up snowboarding a couple of years ago. I've found myself wanting to go out and help, but i know the movement of bending over to sweep up the dirt and then up to place it in the wheelbarrow would cause my P.O.T.s to act up sending me face down in the dirt. And although the idea of a mud bath sounds fun right now i don't think it's for the best.
I would have never thought I'd miss manual labor as much as i do. I've always enjoyed mowing the law and still do it every now and then but it causes a bad reaction and i can surely expect an event that night.
I grew up in a fairly small town, pewney compared to the major cities, my best friends all had ranches and corrals. I'd go out and help with gathering up the hay, bringing in the horses, fix fences, everything you'd see in a good cowboy movie.
There's just something inspiring about hard work. I love it. I love that feeling of completing a task and that pride sweeping over you. It bugs me that the only thing i make with my hands now days is girly woosie needle point and birdhouses.
It's my goal to get back to doing as much as I can, I walk a little more each day, and push myself in the small things more and more to help my endurance grow. It'll get there. I've been teaching myself how to endure the pain in my heart. Every time it comes on i just take a deep breath and i guess, meditate, almost go into myself and tell my brain i can take it, it's not as bad as it seems and with my mind try to psyche myself out into thinking I'm fine.
At this point it only works like 30% of the time, but I'm expecting it to get better.

Chi-Town Time Freak

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Vomiting is the best form of humor I’ve decided. Nothing makes people giggle more then a good story about a vomiting and accidental peeing of the pants adventure.

Glad to be a source of good cheer dear fellow.

But honestly, good golly, I’d swear there’s little men in my body just having a hey day switching those spark plugs in my brain on and off. But I digress…

The last week was a fabulous one. I visited the majestic city of Chicago.

When I was there I was surprised because I felt fabulous 95% of the time, a record for the last couple of months! We’ve decided it’s because Chicago’s at 500 ft above sea level, (much closer to sea level then where I live) and this makes me wonder if going and living my dream of settling off the coast of Oregon would be a good game changer for us.

One of the days I was on my own because my dad was preoccupied with conference calls and such so explored it on my own.

We were on the magnificent mile, and for those of you who aren’t Chi-town savvy, it’s one mile filled with shops, one sign said over 600. (most of them were in a mall.)

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I went camera crazy visited an Episcopalian church which was absolutely beautiful, I meditated and digested it’s beauty. I had a good 4 hours to myself with no problems till I stopped for a bite to eat. I ended up at Jimmy Johns. I remember ordering, paying, and then all of the sudden I was across the room holding a soda cup, and I was waiting for my sandwich, when I realized it was already in my hand.

I have NO idea how I got there or how I got my sandwich. That’s when I knew I best be heading back to the hotel.

I called my brother and stayed on the phone with him to make sure I was back to normal, then headed to the hotel room as fast as I could so that if I were to lose time again I’d be at least closer to the hotel.

I can handle a lot, But man the whole losing time thing freaks me out, it’s like a bad acid trip without the exciting colors.

The plane trip wasn’t half as hell-ish as we suspected, I was very thankful for that. I only felt like dying during the major changes in altitude. I’ve got to admit I was disappointed my pacemaker didn’t set off any of the metal detectors at the airports though. Such a bummer, I love being suspected as a terrorist.

More and more people have suspected me to be a bad girl since I chopped of my hair and colored it a dark brown almost black color. I have better street cred now, little children cry and run away when they see me. I’ve been hit on by a lot of dudes with tattoo’s which I can’t say I’m opposed and I’ve all of the sudden get more perks at the music venues. Here I’ve been going for years and stuck out like a sore thumb as a cutiesie little preppy chick and all of the sudden because I look like I’m the type of girl who hangs out in alley ways with needles in my arm they adorn me with respect and free merch. Who would of thought a change in color would do so much for a girls persona. Maybe it’s not the hair and just the fact that they can now sense i’ve been schooled in the back streets of Chicago on how to be a real woman.

I’d say ‘don’t mess with me I’m dangerous,’ but I’m pretty sure my hair and wicked street cred says that for me.

Dear Porcelain Gods

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Okay, that's it! The VOMITING is OUT OF CONTROL!!!

Dear Porcelain Gods,

I wish to never visit you again. Please don't take it personally.

Thank you,

Your most frequent visitor.

It's official, my visits to the "situation room" are out of control and way to frequent. I'm trying to find ways to deal with it, so please, if you have ideas, pray tell.

I used to never throw up, then it started every couple of months and it progressed to daily. Now I wake up and drink my traditional two glasses of water the doctors have me drink before I get out of bed, and within min i'm throwing up. I eat I throw up, I work out I throw up, I just sit, I throw up.

So please i'm desperate, i really don't want to continue looking at my food and thinking, I wonder what this will taste like coming up.

mmm! Yummy!