I have a lot to be thankful for today. I’ve been on new
medication since my diagnosis of episodic ataxia and it has been nothing but life
changing. A literal fog has been lifted and everything is so clear again. I’m
more active, I can stand longer, play harder, and be myself again. I had almost
forgotten what that was like. This illness has been hard but it is also the
biggest blessing I have had in my life. Without it I wouldn’t have been as
compassionate, or understanding. I would have been arrogant, and felt little
need to reach out to others for help. Before, I was too independent, to
selfish, to close minded to understand what the important things in life really
are.
This illness may have crippled my body at times but it has freed
my soul.
I know what love is, what a true friend is and how to never
take that for granted. I will now go to the ends of the earth before losing
someone important.
I now understand that time is just a limit we humans place
upon ourselves and although we should never take any second for granted, we
shouldn’t be frustrated or rush those things that may need to take a little
more time.
I have learned that family does not mean blood or family trees.
I have cousins and friends, who are more like sisters, mentors who have become
like uncles and parents who have become more like soul mates.
Last but not least I have learned what Gods eternal love
feels like and how it can change a person. Growing up I thought there were more
limits, if I was “sinful” or hanging out with others who “were a bad influence”
he would slowly creep out of my life until I couldn’t feel him anymore. It has
become the exact opposite. As I have embraced those who don’t live the way most
deem appropriate, and ceased with judging others his love has radiated
throughout my life. I am never alone on a bad night when my body is twisting
and my head throbbing. I am not alone when I’m trying to push through the pain
when I am with others and hiding how badly I really hurt. I am not alone when
my mind is gone and I can’t remember simple things like the name of my dog or
how to open a door. I am not alone when I find myself somewhere and I’m not
sure where I’m at or how I got there.
Some may say why do bad things happen to good people. I’ve
decided God doesn’t have control of the dice like we think he does. Sure, if he
wanted he could change the outcome but then he’d be interfering with the laws
of nature and free will. And as a God of science he just can’t do that, unless absolutely
necessary. However he will hold our hands give us the tools and send us the
people needed to get through those times.
My illness is a blessing, a nascence sure, but a blessing
none the less. If I were to say anything
else I’d be kidding myself.
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